Now

3 pounds down; but at what cost?

How is it possible that I feel worse today than I did on Saturday. It’s only day 2 of my low sodium diet at home and I’ve lost 3 pounds since this morning (only 7 more to go!). I should be excited I’m losing weight but I feel like it’s almost too fast. My legs are super weak, I keep stuttering and I’m short of breath (of course). I’ve had 2 meals and a snack today, along with 2 glasses of milk. What am I doing wrong? Why do I feel so bad following all the doctor’s instructions?

This is exactly why my condition is so frustrating. No matter what I do, something always goes haywire. I normally feel guilty for complaining or feel a need to apologize, but not today. Heart Failure sucks, it’s really shitty and you never know what is coming next. You try to be strong, you try to smile but it’s exhausting pretending. The worst part is, I know I’m affecting those closest to me and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I can’t fix my heart, I can’t just get better. Feeling like a burden is one of the worst feelings. No matter how much someone says they love you, if you love them back, you feel the guilt. It’s like a rain cloud hanging over you, that just won’t dissipate. However, the sun is still there and eventually you’ll see it again; just like the sun, I too will shine again.

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