Now

One Year

It has officially been one year since my sympathectomy surgery. A surgery that decreased my tachycardia but caused severe nerve damage to my right hand and arm. A surgery that hasn’t kept me out of the heart failure doctor’s office, which is all I wanted.

Did the surgery make me better? Define better

Do I regret the surgery? Absolutely

Knowing what I know now, I would have never had that surgery. The emotional and physical pain I’ve endured just isn’t worth it. While I heard a couple of success stories about the sympathectomy before I had it done, I wasn’t as fortunate. Yet, that’s okay. Not everything can always go right, that’s life.

I live with the consequences of my decision daily, which is why the idea of having a heart transplant terrifies me. I don’t want to die. There is so much I want to do, and even though it’s getting harder to maintain my independence, I just dig in my heels and keep trying.

Eventually, it will come to transplant, I already know deep within myself. But until that day, I’ll keep tying to find my new normal.

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