Now

When you have to go

Have you ever had to pee so bad that it literally feels like your bladder might erupt? The pain is so intense it brings tears to your eyes and there is nothing you can do but power through because you’re stuck in traffic. That’s exactly how my morning was.

I was doing so well on my drive to Dallas today until I realized I was going to explode. I ended up having to stop at a questionable gas station, you know the type, with bars on all the windows. As I flew into the parking lot I ended up taking up 2 spaces but I didn’t have time to care. I was juggling my phone and keys while trying to throw on my small purse. In that kind of neighborhood, I know not to leave valuables in the car.

I finally made it inside to the small gas station bathroom with a door that didn’t lock. As I fought back tears from pain and frustration I wrestled toilet paper out of the dispenser to make a barrier on the toilet seat. I generally don’t mess with this step when I have to pee REALLY bad but that’s how gross this bathroom was.

Then finally I was able to pee, panting but relieved. That’s all it took to wipe out the little energy I thought I had this morning. I returned to my car out of breath and disappointed that I even had to stop. I know taking diuretics is necessary and I know, I can’t control traffic. I always know having to stop and pee is a risk I run when I have to drive more than 15 minutes. I know being out of breath walking to the restroom is now normal for me. I know I shouldn’t be upset about these setbacks and I know things will likely get worse with time. I know I should appreciate being able to at least get into the restroom without an accident but seriously, pretending I’m appreciative and trying to see the positive is annoying. I should be allowed to bitch about the shit hand I’ve been dealt without hearing, “it could always be worse.” When you are playing cards and losing, no one ever says it could be worse. People always agree your hand is shit, why can’t people view life like that?

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