I think I’m depressed, I really don’t know. I woke up this morning feeling extremely sad, which is dumb because there’s no reason to be sad. I hate that days like this happen, it’s quite pathetic.
I don’t understand why I can’t just be normal, or at the very least, not chronically ill and depressed. That’s just not the life I was given, so what am I to do? I’m currently still laying in bed at one in the afternoon, and even though I have an Upper Respiratory Infection that’s not the reason I’m still in bed.
The sadness consumes me, as if someone has died and maybe someone has, maybe me?
Days like this are the worst, the loneliness consumes me and I fight so hard to keep the tears in, but they always come out. Then I feel guilty for crying, because really, why am I? Nothing bad has happened, NOTHING, I just woke up with sadness inside me. I get so mad that I feel this way, I just wish I could make it stop but I can’t. Oh how I’ve tried for years to control my mind, but have yet to master it.
I am trapped in the prison of my own body, never able to escape this constant hell. Always expected to live up to societal norms yet restricted from doing the things I desire most. Day in and day out, I try so hard to find the best, telling myself this is good enough but the truth is, it doesn’t feel good enough. I don’t know how to make my life better, I don’t know what else I’m supposed to be doing. However, I know this too shall pass.
Feelings are only temporary, including the bad ones. So I’ll peel myself up in another hour, take a shower and fake a smile until it feels real again.