Dillon and I fight pretty often. It’s not like name calling and violence, but we are constantly arguing about something. We are both fiercely stubborn, but it actually may just be me who is stubborn, oops.
However, during an argument this weekend, which is Dillon’s version of helping me during a panic attack, he said something I really took to heart.
He told me I have something that so many people wish they had, time. Despite the doctors appointments and feeling bad, I still have all this free time to do anything I want.
Of course I was mad at the time, I was coming out of a panic attack all hyped up on feelings but I haven’t stopped thinking about that.
He is right, I do have time. I get to wake up when I want, I get to go where I want and I can work on anything I want. I have the time to see old friends and learn a new skill but I haven’t.
On days I feel good, I’m normally consumed with guilt for feeling bad the days prior. I spend so much time in my head sulking that my good days pass me by, wasted on guilt.
I’ve decided no more. No longer can I be adding to my burdens, I have to be the one to change them into blessings.
I’m not exactly sure how I will achieve this, but I’m going to work really hard to make it happen. I want to live a full life, not a life full of excuses. I have chronic illnesses but they can’t be what defines me.