I not only forgot to take my medicine on Sunday, I also forgot to weigh in. So I don’t have accurate numbers for last week’s weight loss efforts. I also woke up Monday morning holding extra fluid and was miserable all day. Here we are on Tuesday, and I’m still not sure how I’ll make it out of bed today. My whole body hurts and I am so fatigued from the recent events that took place.
Needless to say, it has been a very intense and at times traumatic last few days. Out of respect for peoples’ privacy, I won’t disclose specifics of the events that transpired. All I can say is that the amount of stress I’ve had to deal with since last week has been a huge challenge.
Every day is already a struggle, and any additional stress just makes everything so much harder. I’m not good at managing any additional stress, that’s something I’ve had to acknowledge more and more in the past year. Honestly, I’m not good at managing anything these days. Sure, I still get things accomplished but it takes a lot of lists and reminders. I used to be able to remember anything off the top of my head, now I can’t even recall the day of the week unless I really think about it and sometimes I still have to look it up on my phone.
I have been disappointed in myself for a long time for being sick and then losing my job. Always doubting if I was really sick or if I was making it all up in my head, I constantly worried because I didn’t want to be the reason I was sick but I also knew how bad I physically felt. I’ve really struggled with adapting to my chronic illness since it’s no longer something I can just work through.
However, after this weekend I have a new sense of peace. I don’t know how I can find something positive after witnessing something so upsetting, but I can. Maybe it’s selfish always looking for a positive benefit from every negative situation but it’s just something that I started doing as a way of coping. To my surprise, it really does help me move past the unpleasant emotions of a negative situation.
So even though I have a chronic illness with constant pain and suffering, where some days I don’t know how to keep going, I’m okay. That’s right, I’m okay.
I’ve had to constantly worry about my mental state for over a year now but I’m honestly so relieved.
For the first time in my life, I witnessed a psychological break outside of a hospital setting. It was very surreal seeing someone so convinced of a delusion, almost as if I was watching a TV show. I’ve never had first hand experience like this before and it really put my own issues into perspective.
Which is why I can now say with confidence, I suffer from anxiety and depression. I’m not going to be embarrassed by my mental illness issues anymore because pretending they don’t exist ONLY LEADS TO MORE PROBLEMS.
That’s what I learned this weekend, out of everything that happened, it all could’ve been avoided had treatment been sought out when symptoms began. Instead though, those closest to the patient tried to contain the issues themselves for many years, and not once sought a true psychological evaluation for a destabilizing psyche.
Now the patient is in such a deteriorated mental state, there’s no telling if they will ever be able to recover. All the symptoms I witnessed were signs of a severe schizophrenic break, but since I’m not a professional or family, I’ll probably never know what the actual diagnosis is. Which final diagnosis doesn’t even matter, it’s more just for my own personal curiosity. What does matter, which is what I hope everyone will remember when dealing with themselves and others, is mental illness is called an illness because it will not get better without help. If it was called a mental cold, then maybe it would get better on its own but it’s not. Anyone experiencing mental illness issues, will never get better without appropriate medical treatment.
So be responsible with yourself and those around you. If you’re witnessing someone with a deteriorating psyche, do the right thing and get them help before they’re so gone they may never come back.
As for yourself, if you know something seems off mentally, seek help. I know it’s scary and you don’t want anyone to know, I was there, I get it. However, people knowing you have a mental illness is better than your mental illness becoming you.