CW: 217 lbs
GW: 150 lbs
I’m finally seeing weight loss again and I’m so pleased! Especially after all the chaos last weekend but I’m still feeling the aftermath physically and I can’t wait for this torture to end.
I have different levels of feeling bad but call them all “sick” because that’s easiest in conversation. However, I’d love to explain the differences.
Have you ever been to the doctor and they ask you to rate your pain on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the most severe? Probably so, it’s a concept I was taught at a very young age.
As the years have gone by my pain scale has shifted. What use to be a 7 is now a 3 and I never use a 10 no matter how bad things get.
Most normal days are a 3-4, that’s the amount of pain and discomfort I’m in on average. This week I’ve been hanging around a 6, and it’s been very difficult to push through.
I realized the other day while talking to Dillon, that I couldn’t remember the last time I felt good. I vaguely remember what it use to be like, my memory isn’t what it was but I know I use to feel good, even great. I use to have so much energy and bad days only happened a handful of times a year. It’s crazy that I may never feel that way again.
Since November 2016 I’ve been in constant pain of varying degrees. It’s truly still mind boggling that it’s possible it will continue for the rest of my life. Honestly though, it’s okay.
I’m on a new path now, emotionally, physically and mentally. I’m learning my body, my boundaries and a way to balance life with a disability. My medical condition has progressed so much that I am physically disabled. I never thought that would be a true statement and it sounds incorrect when I say it but it’s true.
However, this isn’t the end, I don’t stop here. As I’ve been working on accepting my circumstances, I have found myself feeling freer. I’m now to a point where I feel like I can fly again. I’m learning I can still do things, and I don’t have to feel guilty on the bad days. It’s really all about finding a balance and knowing what is meant to be will always find a way.