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RAOK

I believe in God, fate and karma. I don’t follow the rules of religion but that doesn’t mean I’m not a believer.

I believe the more good you do, the more good you receive. This doesn’t mean bad things don’t still happen because they do, and often to good people. However, at least in my life, the things that seemed truly terrible ended up serving a great purpose. My experiences have shaped me into who I am, and lately, most days I like that person.

What I’m trying to get at is, random acts of kindness will have a far greater impact on the person you bless than you know. I’ve been lucky enough to be on the receiving end of random acts of kindness and it has always been such an uplifting experience. They always come at the perfect time and restore my faith in my beliefs. For that, I’m forever thankful to those strangers. This is also why I try to help whenever I can. From holding the door open for someone, to donating to a go fund me campaign, to buying someone’s coffee behind me, I try to do what I can. It’s little things but I know they make a difference. It’s the little things that have gotten me through a bad day, week, month and year. However, can you really say it’s bad if you find at least one moment of good?

All I know is I will continue my RAOK campaign, I’ll be grateful for trials and triumphs and I will always be thankful to the strangers who changed my life for the better.

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Honeycomb

On the west side of Fort Worth sits an adorable salon that celebrated its first birthday in November. You walk through the doors and you instantly know you have arrived at Honeycomb Salon & ColorLab.

Today was my first visit to this trendy spot and I was immediately greeted by the friendly receptionist. She immediately asked if she could get me anything, they literally offer every accommodation you could want. Only moments later I met Brandon, who was going to my stylist for the day and just so happens to be the owner and pioneer of this gorgeous place.

Brandon had me immediately meet with Jenna, who performed a hair analysis using a capilloscope, which examines your hair and scalp at 200x magnification. Jenna was able to determine my hair is in between growth stages and could tell I had major hair loss around 3 years ago, which is true. I was amazed by this little machine and Jenna’s extensive knowledge. Everyone should take the time to have Jenna analyze their hair and scalp, you’ll be glad you did!

After my hair analysis, Brandon got started on my hair smoothing keratin treatment. This smoothing treatment was amazing for several reasons.

First off, it was practically odorless. I mean, it literally seemed like he was just putting conditioner on my hair. Then after 30 minutes of processing, it was ready to be rinsed out. That’s right, no shampooing just a gentle rinsing to remove any extra product. After which I returned to Brandon’s chair where he blow dried and then straightened my hair. After that, I was done! Can you believe it? It was the simplest, odorless and most efficient hair straightening system I have experienced to date.

With chronic illness, most days my hair is frizzy under my go to “bad hair day” hat. However, now after I shampoo my hair and let it air dry, I will no longer have the unmanageable frizz that I can’t tame. I’m so happy for the experience I had today, the wonderful people I talked to and the relaxing atmosphere of Honeycomb.

If you want to check out Honeycomb, and I think you should, enjoy deep discounts on keratin treatments and extensions for the rest of this month! Also, make sure you mention I referred you and get $20 off your service. Lastly, when you refer your friends, you both receive $20 off a service!

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Mind > Matter

What could go wrong has today.

I had a dream I had a baby that died, so I woke up this morning already sad. Then my dog had an accident in my room that I had to clean up. Then I checked my bank account to find it severely negative because I paid AT&T with my card instead of Dillon’s. It was such a careless mistake but I honestly have no recollection of doing it wrong. My memory is getting so bad, and I have no idea why. Then when I went to leave to for the bank to plead with them to reverse the overdraft fee, because we have the money, it was just the wrong account; I get in the car and notice my windshield is dirty. I pull the windshield wipers and it sprayed out the fluid but my wipers didn’t move. Then I realized they were frozen to my car! So I go searching for an ice scrapper, and eventually find it. I head back out and try lifting the wipers so I could scrap the ice and I ended up breaking both windshield wipers.

This is my day and I’ve been awake less than 2 hours.

However, I promised myself I wouldn’t let the little things get me down anymore.

Dreams aren’t real. Puppies have accidents. Money is just money and windshield wipers can be replaced.

I could literally cry right now because I feel overwhelmed but I refuse to let it happen. I refuse to continue being this emotionally weak person who forgot how to handle bumps in their day.

So I breathe heavy when I walk and talk, and I don’t have the energy to fix my hair or put on makeup. Who cares? I’m alive, I have a wonderful fiancé and family, and 2018 will be a great year for me.

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Yoga

I finally made it to a yoga class tonight. I decided after the New Year that I was going to give it another try. Last year I tried a class around this time at a local gym and hated it. So even though it took a year, I’m glad I tried it again today. Today’s class was Slow Flow + Yoga Nidra and it was an amazing first experience. I haven’t felt that relaxed or accomplished, well ever.

Now I think yoga is going to be my new thing. You know, the thing I become obsessed with and tell everyone I meet how amazing it is. That’s what I hope anyways.

I have felt lost on and off for over a year and I finally feel like I’m finding myself again. It’s almost as if 2017 was a trial run, and this year will be the year things happen. 2018, I’m here to thrive.

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Chronic Hot Mess

I just can’t remember things.

I noticed it started in November and there wasn’t an apparent cause. No new meds, no new symptoms, I’m just not retaining information like I use to.

However, I saw this quote and wanted to share it before I forgot!

I do think better things are ahead of me, and even though I’m a chronic hot mess, I’m still excited for my future. ❤️ Better things are coming.

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Tired but Restless

I didn’t even realize I had anxiety at night until the other day. I’ve always said, ” I just can’t fall asleep,” when asked what my sleeping troubles are. However, the other night I realized, when I lay down to sleep it’s the first time I relax in a days time.

Once I start to relax, I start to think and it spirals from there. I start counting everything I forgot to do, I remember read messages in my inbox that I need to reply to, I find the to do list I made the night prior, I realize payments are due, I remember I still didn’t buy groceries and then it occurs to me it’s been almost nine months since I worked. Then I start to get sad. I’m sad I no longer have my job, my money or my independence. Then I move to guilt. I feel guilty I’m not strong enough to work, that my parents have to help me and that my fiancé has to deal with me. From guilt I move to remembering things that were, and I slide back into sadness for awhile. Then I normally start looking on my phone for inspirational quotes to bring myself out of the funk. Then I end up in 4 other applications researching random facts, writing blog posts or looking at pictures of baby animals.

This is why I don’t sleep. My mind is hurting but it’s fighting. Even when I’m sad or feeling guilty, there is still pain. Pain to regain what I’ve lost, motivation for a better tomorrow and acceptance that things just take time.

Through everything since 11/8/2016, I’ve learned what I need most in life is patience. Time doesn’t heal all wounds, but it does make things easier to deal with.

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Therapy

Finding the right therapist took me 11 years. I went many years without going to therapy because I had given up on finding one I liked. Then in October, I decided to give it one more try. I felt called to give this woman I found on the internet a chance, and it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

I understand the patient and therapist relationship role, which is for me to be open and my therapist to help me navigate.

It has been truly rewarding working with my therapist and it just reaffirms my belief that when it’s right, it will happen. Therapy is such a great tool, I just wish more people utilized it.

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